Friday, August 27, 2010

Unavailable for the next 24 hours....


Per order of the voices (kidding....maybe), I will be unavailable for at least the next 24 hours. In hopes of restoring my mental health, I am running away to locations unknown to celebrate my birthday (Okay, some of you know where...so shush, it's a secret!). All traditional forms of communication will be shut off during that period (Starting tonight). For those of you who use birds, songs, etc (y'all know who you are) ....it's not like I can block those...so knock yourselves out. I just won't be getting back to you until Sunday at the earliest.
XO & ****
Love,
Star

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

In serious need of a fix

I am in serious need of an ocean fix. I haven't been to the ocean since June.
I tend to avoid the coast over the summer in order to avoid the tourists. Between the fact that they are people and that a number of them leave my favorite beaches a mess, it's just better to avoid the whole thing.

I can usually get through until September or so. Not so much this year...I've been landbound too long already. I'm tired, I'm stressed and as a result, I'm getting bitchier and more depressed by the minute. So I am going to go to get my fix of ocean breezes, salt water and my gulls. It is going to be my birthday present to myself. The plan is to leave early Saturday morning and not come home until past nightfall. The true brilliance of the plan is that where I am going, my cell phone does not work. I'm turning it off anyways, just in case (Mercury retrograde is funny that way). The only creatures I plan on speaking with are my gulls. Along with the ocean, I desperately need the peace and quiet that comes with it.

So for those planning to call, text or email me on Saturday, I won't be getting back to you until Sunday at the earliest. If I don't post a blog between now and then, have a great weekend.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Can I have a Faerygodmother?

This is my second attempt at a blog entry today. I'm guessing the faeries didn't like the first one, so they made it disappear. They are so friendly like that. So I'm changing my tack a bit.
I was originally writing about birthday wishes and what not. But the reality is, I want my own faerygodmother. Yes, yes, it is probably against the rules...that whole being a faerygodmother myself. But, hey, rules are made to be broken (just not by any of my godchildren...they tend to play with space, time and whatnot). So I want a faerygodmother.
I am willing to be fair about this. I know I'd never do well with one of the FGM such as Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty had. I'm just not damsel in distress, be saved by a handsome (but dim...really) prince. I'm more likely to get along with the so-called "bad" faery from Sleeping Beauty (see above...please note the raven...just saying). Even as a child, she was my favorite.
Think about it, wouldn't you be ticked off if you were the only one NOT invited? Silly people should have just invited her. She probably wouldn't have gone...it wouldn't have been that good of a party after all. She was just making a point. Faerygodmothers should always be respected, even if you don't agree with them or their methods. And honestly, would Sleeping Beauty really have been the person she became if it hadn't been for the "bad" faery? I don't think so.
So I'd be very happy with her as a FGM. I don't mind working for what I want. It's just nice to know you have someone in your corner, giving little pointers here and there, untangling snags on occasion. Not to mention, she does know how to make an entrance. I could do alot worse.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Gray day....

We're finally getting some much needed rain here in NH. As a result, it has been a gray and damp day. Some people have said it was even chilly. It couldn't have been...I was sweating all morning (not hot flashes, thank you very much Candy!). Instead I was getting some work around the house done. Not as much as I had hoped...but still, some.

The weather, though much appreciated, has made me crave some of my autumnal comforts...candle light and apples & cinnamon. Both of which I indulged in today. Every little bit to keep my mood from slipping any more than it already has lately. And on the bright side, once the Back to School stuff goes away...Halloween stuff will be out. That is sure to bring a smile or two, I hope. And with the cooler weather, the damn tourists will soon be gone from my ocean. In the meantime, I'll just keep trudging along.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Who knocked the Universe off balance?


Despite no new duck related signs, I figured I would continue with the motif. Especially since this duckling looks the way I've felt the last few days. Everything, including me, is just plain off balance. For every one step forward, there has been something pushing me two steps back (And yes, I know, Mercury is retrograde....again). I know alot of y'all are having the same issues. I'm guessing someone knocked the Universe off balance.
In general, it is all very disheartening. At the worse moments, there really are not words to describe how I feel. I made myself get up today. I even got some things done, despite a complete lack of ambition. Yet, I'm still listless. I wish now I had gone out for the evening, if for no other reason than to have a temporary distraction. I didn't though, so now I'm typing away at this blog.
I always hope that blogging will give me some insight (at best) or give me a stress outlet (at least). Sometimes is provides neither. In those cases, I just keep repeating "This too shall pass" (Thank you Betsy). Eventually the Universe will right itself...or I'll get my balance back. Maybe both...now wouldn't that be something?
*Author's Note:
Proof of the effect Mercury has on me and mine....my spellcheck for this picked up alot as being incorrect and ignored y'all. It's either the planet or my Southern ancestors have possessed the computer. Not sure which worries me more.

Monday, August 16, 2010

There's no escaping the duck mojo!

It was a fairly crazy day. Between jobs and counseling and other nonsensical stuff, I was beat. However, the Roomie wanted chicken pasta for dinner. Fairly easy to make, no biggie...except it meant stopping at the grocery store. *Sigh* But being the good roomie I am...despite being tortured by vampires and zombies...(ask Rowan, she can explain), I stopped at Hannafords for all the fixings.

A quick trip through the aisles and then off to the checkout. Piece of cake, right? And there it was, sitting literally at the end of the checkout lane (not in the basket of stuffies, oh no)....smiling at me....a stuffed, fuzzy duck! *Sigh* I thought about ignoring it...but considering I had posted on Facebook for people to send me ducks (photos...no actual water fowl please!), it just didn't seem like a good idea.

Needless to say, the ducky is now sitting on my painting easel, still smiling happily at me as I type away. *Sigh*

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Duck on the Edge


It's been one of those weekends. Did stuff, though very little of it was what I needed or wanted to do. Too many demands, not enough time or energy. Feels like I've been fighting a losing battle for days. That is probably why I felt lousy by Saturday night and like the living dead by Sunday.
Most of Sunday was spent in bed, minus errands and part of the race. High light of the day was a visit from Katie and snuggle time with Addison. Now I'm exhausted and facing another week of too much to do and not enough time or energy. All of which leaves me on edge and makes me wonder what the hell am I doing with my life? Maybe more sleep will help.

Friday, August 13, 2010

And the ducks keep coming...


Today was a busy day. I was up early with the Menace, made coffee, had cereal and was off to test students by 7:30. After that I worked at camp. Nothing will tell you that you are out of shape than having to hike a steep grade with a bunch of kids. Of course it didn't help I had started Cto5k the night before and had run 1.25 miles. Rather poor planning on my part. Then I buzzed home, grabbed some stuff and was off to Sparrow's for her birthday. (Happy Birthday LBB!) Now I am finally home and after a hot bath, am happily at my computer.
Now while there were many dragonflies about today, there was nary a duck to be seen. Until I got home and found the above picture on my Facebook page...a little bit of brightness from one of my sister Dark Faeries (I miss you all bunches!) It just made me giggle. And the duck lesson for the day....
Sometimes you have to make do with what you have available where you are. To make sure it will be a good day, it is always a good idea to bring a friend along with you.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ducks in a row?

Yes, I am continuing with the duck motif. Some of it is all Noreen's fault(waves at Noreen) some of it is a worthy nod of the head to the ducks that have been in my life.I had a pet duck as a child. (No, I did not have a normal childhood) I also had a "wild" Mallard hen that used land on the deck to visit with me daily when I worked as a waitress on Lake Sunapee. (The customers thought it amusing, unless she was trying to steal their food.) Until the other day, I hadn't really thought about the duck affinity.

The plan last night was to right something witty about the ducks for today's blog. I had just found out last I got a job teaching a college Ecology course (yay me!) so my mood was very happy (and I'm always witty...right?). However, other circumstances waylaid the plan. Today was stressful enough that I went for a run when I got home...something I haven't done in months. It was that, eat what was left of the cake and ice cream in the house or throw a major tantrum. Figured the run would be the lesser of the evils... besides the sweets would still be there when I got back and tantrums are always an option if nothing else succeeds.

The run helped though I still wasn't in the mood to write. But I figured, what the hell...I'll try it anyway. This blog may not have the zip and zing I had planned, but I think the message is still important. To proceed, you have to have your ducks in a row. Of course in life, ducks don't usually stay in the row...so it is an ongoing process. You get one thing set and all the others move around causing chaos and mayhem (they are very cute and fuzzy and they DO cause a hell of a lot of trouble). So you have to keep putting them back in the row...and that is ok. Cause my ducks are all lined up above and they look like they are ready to dance!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Follow the duck!

In case some of you didn't already know, I'm a big believer in signs. Not so much STOP signs....yes, 2 seconds does count as stopped in my world...but those little bits of grace we get to guide us along our way. I can't help it. I blame it on the combination of the Irish and the Italian bloodlines. The combination seems to have left me a bit touched. It is okay though. It helps me to know that there are forces looking out for me (even though I will complain about the Dads and their habit of knocking things down and changing my car radio stations). More importantly, I know I'm not crazy because it happens to other people I know as well.

During this last little down period, I've been asking for a sign about something. As is par for the course in my life, the signs went to a friend of mine. We like to share. The story is rather long, convoluted and still unraveling as I write. (And I'm pretty sure my Dads are in cahoots with Noreen's too on this one) Long story short...the message was to follow the signs, even when they aren't what you think they are. (Clear as mud isn't it?) The shorthand for this test of faith has evolved quickly into "Follow the duck!"

So for all my friends and loved ones out there, if you are having doubts about the path you're on, remember to follow the duck!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Back Again


I've been away from the blog for awhile. Spring was full of getting the garden ready and working different part time jobs...seemingly here, there and everywhere, and new babies...Torence in April and Addison in May. Before I knew it, spring had slipped into summer. Now it is almost time for school to start and autumn to start to peak through.
For most of that time, things have been okay. Not spectacular, but at least okay. I've been going along working all the jobs, looking for something full time, trying to do at least some fun things too. Lately it seems that things aren't going as well. I am increasingly frustrated with how things are going...or not, as the case may be. Frustration is never a good feel. For me, it tends to increase my anxiety level. And that leads down a path I do not want to follow.
So in an attempt to deal with both the frustrations and the anxiety, I've come back to my creative outlets...I spent last night drawing and I've pulled this blog out and dusted off the cobwebs. Both were a struggle. Maybe it will get easier, maybe not. All I can do is try and pray that it helps.