This and That

Life is a bit hectic at the moment. I'm trying to get into the swing of teaching a college class. Plus get ready for subbing at the afterschool program and balance in all my other stuff too.

This kind of crazy pace is fairly normal for me. The issue now is I really don't like running around like this anymore. It exhausts me, leaves me precious little time for the things I'd like to spend time on, and does little to help keep my mood stable. So a change is in order. I haven't worked out all the details of it yet... I do know I'm trying to be more mindful about my eating. And I plan to start running...again...once this heat breaks. But more importantly, I'm looking to make some other changes. My goal this year is to work towards more stability in my life.

Scary, I know. I usually run from stability as fast as possible. And it might not be the word I am really looking for. All I know is when I sat on the beach last Saturday, I watched the gulls floating on the waves, moving with them, but still being calm and centered. That is what I want for myself. Just have to figure out how to do it...and not freak out about it.

Unavailable for the next 24 hours....

Per order of the voices (kidding....maybe), I will be unavailable for at least the next 24 hours. In hopes of restoring my mental health, I am running away to locations unknown to celebrate my birthday (Okay, some of you know where...so shush, it's a secret!). All traditional forms of communication will be shut off during that period (Starting tonight). For those of you who use birds, songs, etc (y'all know who you are) ....it's not like I can block those...so knock yourselves out. I just won't be getting back to you until Sunday at the earliest.

XO & ****

Love,

Star

In serious need of a fix

I am in serious need of an ocean fix. I haven't been to the ocean since June.
I tend to avoid the coast over the summer in order to avoid the tourists. Between the fact that they are people and that a number of them leave my favorite beaches a mess, it's just better to avoid the whole thing.

I can usually get through until September or so. Not so much this year...I've been landbound too long already. I'm tired, I'm stressed and as a result, I'm getting bitchier and more depressed by the minute. So I am going to go to get my fix of ocean breezes, salt water and my gulls. It is going to be my birthday present to myself. The plan is to leave early Saturday morning and not come home until past nightfall. The true brilliance of the plan is that where I am going, my cell phone does not work. I'm turning it off anyways, just in case (Mercury retrograde is funny that way). The only creatures I plan on speaking with are my gulls. Along with the ocean, I desperately need the peace and quiet that comes with it.

So for those planning to call, text or email me on Saturday, I won't be getting back to you until Sunday at the earliest. If I don't post a blog between now and then, have a great weekend.

Sanctuary 2

So it has been another long and difficult week. I'm frustrated by almost everyone and everything. Never a good thing, made worse by the ongoing lack of enough sleep. Add in yesterday's snow and it is nothing short of a miracle that I'm still in New England at all right now.

Everything in me keeps wanting to just walk away from all of it. I very well may end up doing that at some point. I'm at least letting myself be open to the possibility that it is time to try somewhere else for awhile at least. I have a few obligations to see out...plus needing to find full-time employment. I'll have to wait and see how it goes.

In the meantime, I'm planning another escape to the beach tomorrow. Warm, sunny weekday...few people as yet. Just me, the sand and waves and my gulls (Hush, I don't want to hear it). At least for a few hours, I'll have some peace of mind and spirit...maybe.

Sanctuary

I've written how things have not been going all that well. I've been hoping being patient and waiting this spell out would be enough. Maybe it still is...I just don't have any faith in that at this point. I think there may be some other stuff going on, decisions that need to be made that I haven't been willing to acknowledge.

I still have no solid idea about what to do about anything at this point. I'm trying to at least be open that maybe things have to be a lot different than I had thought.

There are only two things I know for sure at this point...things cannot continue this way, for my own mental health, if for no other reason than that, and that I need the sanctuary of my ocean (yes, it's mine...get over it). So tomorrow, I'm journeying to my beach, where I can sit and listen to the waves. Maybe they'll have something to say on the whole matter.

"Let Nothing Disturb You"

This is a picture of the Atlantic Ocean from my favorite perch (literally) in Maine. Sorry, not telling where it is. It is the one place I can go that no one know where it is. Plus, my cellphone doesn't work there, so I am officially unreachable when I am there.

It is where I go, at least during non-tourist season, to get away, think,write and re-group. I miss it very much at the moment. I hope to get up there for a few hours soon. In the meantime, I have to rely on pictures.

I've been looking at the photos a lot lately. Things are stressful for me, but I can deal. I may not like it, but it is what it is. What is worse is the number of people either I know or people close to people close to me (did that make sense? If so, you might want to be a little afraid, you're starting to understand my train of thought) have received some kind of really bad news. Layoffs, major health issues, etc. It seems to be everywhere.

Because of stuff in my own life, I've been searching for bits and pieces to give me some support getting through it. I've given up praying to be at peace with it all. I mean really, me peaceful? Trying for that has only left me more frustrated. Instead, I'm asking for courage and endurance. Seems to fit my personality better. Damn, almost lured of track by sneaky tangents. Back into the desk drawer with all of you!

Anyways, I was thinking of how I put out prayer requests for those I know who are in need. But maybe we all need a little more right now, maybe a little smidge of grace (please note the lower case "g", I don't want to find smidges of my friend Grace anywhere), or inspiration or whatever you want to call it. Just a collection of things to help all of us get through either our own stuff or to pass along to someone we love. I figure I will start it as an experiment here and see what happens.

So here is my thought to all of you, if you have bits of prayer, pictures, snippets of poetry you would like to share, please do. Even song cues... ( I KNOW I am going to regret that one considering how many of my near and dear thrive on sudden bursts of song...sigh) You can either add them into the comments, email me through the link below or to one of my other email addresses if you have that. I will turn them into blog bits, etc. to share with everyone. Add any prayer requests as well. I'll add them to my list...which is getting tackled daily lately.

I actually started kind of with the title of this post. It is from the first line of a prayer from Saint Teresa of Avila. The first part, which I pray on a regular basis, goes like this:
"Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you..."