Ever feel like everything is spinning out of control around you? That's pretty much what the past couple of days have been like. Lots of waiting, some tears, some laughter. Amidst it all, I can't seem to find my balance. Of course it could be the result of severe sleep deprivation and excessive caffeine intake. It is quite possible I will never touch coffee again once this is all over.

Dad has been declining rapidly. He is no longer eating. He drinks very little. The nurses at DHMC removed the IV's yesterday. He is now on oral morphine, which made him pretty happy and chatty yesterday. He was talking with anyone who came in the room. At one point Father Chris, the hospital's chaplain came in to see him. After giving him communion, he spoke of how there were angels in the room with him. Dad smiled, looked at my Mom and I and said, "Yeah, but they're witches". Needless to say, Mom and I started to crack up. Later, Dad was saying how tough Bones was (my brother Nathaniel for those not in the know). I quipped, "Yeah he is, but he's funny looking too isn't he?", to which Dad smiled and said "Well yes". Nathaniel just gave me one of his "I am so not amused" looks...not that they have any effect on me. There are some other funny stories, but I'll save them for another time. I spent part of last night with Dad, as did my sister Theresa. Dad started to fade quickly last night.

He hasn't been able to call me by name for a couple of days, though he knew who I was. At least until today. He doesn't recognize anyone and is almost completely unable to communicate. The team at DHMC and my mother decided to move him to New London Hospital for hospice care since it's closer to home. I would have liked to have known about it before I went up this morning. I wasn't prepared to have to pack his room, or sign whatever papers. All of which I did. I will say, the nursing staff at DHMC are angels, as is the pastoral staff. The doctors? A few need to be slapped up side the head or given lessons on how to deal with people. (It's a long story)

That was bad enough, but my cell got turned off because I forgot to pay the bill. Then when I went to pay it, I locked myself out of my car. I had to call Kristi (good thing I just paid the bill) to go get my spare and bring it to me. I'm pretty sure I would lose my way if I had to go anywhere right now, which is why I plan to stay home. Of course, I think I could get lost in the house right now. I might even get some rest...I'm so tired at this point I'm wicked (yes I am from NH) slap happy. Just about anything will start me giggling until I'm crying. Kristi thinks it is pretty entertaining. Heaven knows our menagerie is strange enough to get me going at the drop of a hat. (For example, Esmerelda was watching NCIS with us...and here I thought she only liked to watch NASCAR)

At this point, I can only hope for some sleep and a phone call so I know Dad has passed peacefully into the next world.