Sometimes I hate the world

It's late. I just got home from training foster parents. Of course, the video tape we were supposed to use went wonky....not my fault, it was never in my possession. So Jane and I improvised and used another of the videos. This one tells what it's like to be in foster care from the perspective of a young child who has been through many placements...something that isn't supposed to happen anymore, but sadly does. I try to prepare myself ahead of time when we're going to show it. It always gets to me...I can't help but remember all the families I worked with years ago. I wonder how those kids are doing now and pray they are safe and loved at the very least. I didn't really have time to prepare myself, but managed to get through it. And then the group discussed it, which lead to a conversation that broke my heart.

One of the children in care was just about to be adopted. This child has literally been through Hell. But something went wrong...again. So this little one will be moved again and we start over. I can't imagine suddenly saying I don't want a child that I had been caring for for months. I can't understand how anyone can do that. Of course, in my heart, I can't grasp why anyone would harm a child. I can understand what happens in some cases intellectually, but right now...I'm not in that place. Right now, I want to scream at the injustice of a world where this happens. My only solace is I know the people who will help this little one through it. They are all angels, I swear.

But right now, I hate the world where this is even an issue. So I will go to bed with a mug of tea and my book, and read, and cry, and pray. And tomorrow, I'll remind myself of what someone told me not long ago...that I wouldn't do what I do if it wasn't for the fact that I really did love the world.