Brain in Rebellion

I haven't written here for a few days. Some of the reason is I've been incredibly busy. The other reason...my brain has decided to raise its own little rebellion. Basically, my anxiety attacks are coming daily and the depression is back. I've tried to explain to the brain that this is not a convenient time to do this. I have professional responsibilities plus it is almost the end of the semester. My brains response? Another anxiety attack and not being able to spell simple words...like "the". Cute, huh?

I'm being very responsible and taking the necessary medications. My other tricks to help...not really working. It might have something with my language center being out to lunch at the moment. Simple conversations are challenging...I can't track them very well and words keep escaping me. I know what I want to say...the words just run away before I can speak. Not a good thing when I have presentations to give and papers to write.

So I'm falling back on some other tricks. I went to church, late mass, but I still made it. I did some painting this evening. I ate one healthy meal today and I decided to not do two of the things I wanted to do today. I hated it, but I know I've already pushed myself about as far as I can. I did discover something interesting about my language issues though. Apparently it doesn't apply to prayer. I spent part of a recent car ride trying to stay, okay not calm, I was way beyond that, but at least level enough to get where I needed to get. I recited the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary and the Prayer to St. Micheal over and over again. Apparently they are in the subconscious deep enough that the anxiety can't touch them. Lucky for me, because God knows I wasn't capable of coming up with any of my own prayers at that point.

Of course, I should be in bed at this hour since sleep is one of those key elements to sanity. It would help if I was tired, but I'm not. So I will read in bed until either my alarm goes off or I fall asleep. And I'll say a prayer that this passes quickly. Here's hope, I only spelled one word wrong while writing this...okay I spelled alot of them wrong, I only missed fixing one on my own.