Snow Day!

Here is a belated Happy New Year's to all. And a happy end to this snow day. Jet was very happy to see all the fresh snow. She'll have plenty to play in for a few days. I'm enjoying the winter this year...for now at least. I'm sure I'll be ready for spring once my seed catalogs start arriving.

I've had a fairly good fall and early winter, despite the challenges. Trying to stay positive and keep trudging away at things. Enjoying all the babies and toddlers in my life, as well as my other kids. The depression has been largely held at bay with meds, vitamins and other positive stuff. I was hoping the balance would maintain through to spring when things should balance out in life a little more.

Okay, to be honest, I wanted to stay balanced and positive through the Dark Month ie February. Guess it is going to be more difficult than I thought. My nightmares that come this time of year are back, pretty much as scheduled. I could handle those. It's the waking up at 3 in the morning that is throwing me off. Sleep is necessary for my brain to work decently.

In hopes of getting through past February 18th, I've cut way back on my coffee, I'm making an effort to eat decently, drinking Tension Tamer tea at night, and I'm going to cram in as much work as I can right now in case things do turn worse and my cognitive issues rear their head. I'm trying not to white knuckle it this year. My goal is to get through it as gently as possible while being prepared to respond quickly if I can't. Figure keeping my fingers crossed can't help.

So here is to a good night sleep and a happy brain. And maybe some more snow.

Respect the Families of the Fallen

I was checking my email this afternoon and came across an article about the Associated Press releasing the picture of an Marine severely injured by a RPG attack in Afghanistan last month. The young Lance Corporal died later. Last week, after the funeral, a number of newspapers chose to print the photo showing the downed Marine as his comrades attempted to save his life. The picture was released despite the protests of the Marine's family. The Secretary of Defense has since blasted the AP for their actions, demanding the photo be pulled.

I had to calm down a bit before I decided to write about it. I am a strong proponent of freedom of the press. I am also the daughter of a fallen Marine. I can easily imagine the pain this Marine's family feels knowing that picture, the last of their son, is out there. The last picture I have of my father is him receiving his Purple Heart on board the USS Repose, a Naval Hospital Ship. That picture is a snapshot of a nineteen year old boy, it is bittersweet. What is hidden from view in the picture is the fact Daddy was missing both legs, his left arm and his left eye. I know these injuries were disguised out of respect for the family members to whom the photo would be sent. Those of us who have lost a loved one in service of this country do not need to see what happened to them with our eyes. That loss is forever engraved onto our hearts, we carry this scar with us everywhere we go.

The AP argues they are showing a piece of the country's history. I am a historian as well. I can teach about history without showing the dying moments of a 21 year old. There are other ways to teach, to show clearly the horrors of war, without blatantly disregarding the wishes and feelings of the families of the fallen. I hope the decision makers at the AP rethink their stance on this issue. In the meantime, this Marine's daughter will light a candle for the family. I know he is now part of those few and proud guarding Heaven's streets. He's in good company.

Another World Heard From...

I hadn't planned on blogging today. I've been feeling off for a few days now. Very frustrated, confused, sad and a whole lot of other whatnot to boot. Best I've been able to come up with is to keep busy, preferably without alot of people around. I'm craving peace and quiet like it's the air I breathe.

I love my friends, family and my kiddos. Really. It just I have days where having a job counting birds, or fish or something on an unpopulated island off of Maine, with no internet, or phone, sounds like my idea of heaven. By noon, today became one of those days. Which is why I probably had a massive stress headache by the time I got home. I had enough energy to crawl into my hermit cell - though it does seem more like a dark cave...just need a couple of bats-and crash for a couple of hours.

All I wanted was some sleep to make my head stop hurting. I did get that...along with a bunch of dreams. Like most of the dreams I've had all summer I don't remember most of them...other than they are generally disturbing (for example, the vampires...thank you Kristi...but that is a whole other blog). I do remember part of one though because Daddy came for a visit.
Not particularly surprising, it is close to my birthday. And some of the little signs have been around...a Vietnam book repeatedly falling off the shelf, my Goldstar pin reappearing after being gone for two years, stuff like that. But I haven't had dreams with Daddy in them in months.

Okay I thought, it's a belated birthday visit, plus I'm worried about Dad and alot of other stuff in my life. No big deal. Yeah right. Daddy and I sat on the rocks along the seashore and chatted. I told him about things that had been going on, things I haven't been able to talk to anyone else about for one reason or another. These dream talks are almost as good as the real thing, but they also make me miss him. Sometimes a girl just needs her Daddy. Even when he tells her what she doesn't want to hear. In my case, to stop overthinking, to stop hesitating and to go more with my heart. Great. Bless him, Daddy always jumped before he looked and he always went with his heart, for better or for worse. Sadly, these are not traits that come easily to me. I guess I'm going to have to work on them... sigh.

The Wall That Heals

I know I've been bad about updating. School, teaching and getting for the Wall That Heals has sucked up all my time. The good news, it is finally here!

The Wall arrived yesterday afternoon. The trailer was escorted from Ascutney Vt into Newport by the Sullivan County Sheriff's' Dept. (Thank you Sheriff Prozzo and Deputy Sheriff Batista) as well as by member of the American Legion Riders and Rolling Thunder NH Chapter 1. I was there as well to get some photos before running off to get photos of it coming in at Parlin Field. (We won't talk about how fast I had to drive to pull that off....wait, I forgot, I didn't drive fast, I just hit the transdimensional portals on the back roads...yeah...that's it!) I got some great photos, which I will post as soon as I get them developed.

What I didn't expect was how I felt. I've been focusing on what needs to be done. When I saw it was really here, the first thought that popped into my head is I wish Daddy was here to see it. And then I realized, if he was, likely I wouldn't have been involved in any of this. Strange but true. I had a rough time with it yesterday. Luckily it passed.

It's not a bad thing to know that part of who you are now is informed by events in your life that were beyond your control. It's all about what you do with it. I can only hope, Daddy is happy what I've done with this.

In case I don't have a chance to update again during the weekend, everyone please have a safe and happy 4th of July. Make sure to hug your friends and family. And remember, our freedom was not nor is now, free.