Sign of Hope

Most people who know me, know I have a thing for dragonflies. I have one tattooed on my right forearm. Dragonflies show up at import events, both for me and my friend Noreen. It is kind of a thing we have with our Dads and each other. My kids all say they know when they are being watched over by me when they see a dragonfly appear out of the blue. (Hey, if it keeps them on their toes and out of trouble, who am I to argue?)

I haven't had any of my usual unusual dragonfly sightings. Kind of par for the course of how things have been lately. Until today. Kristi and I had to go shopping. While in the Christmas ornament aisle, she suddenly said "There's something you have to get". It was a sparkly dragonfly ornament. There were ones in bright pink and blue and purple. And then, there was a single gold sparkly dragonfly ornament...the only one, sitting there waiting to be plucked off the hook. It quickly went into my shopping cart.

I'm taking its appearance as a sign that things are starting to look up, that there is hope. It is now hanging on the wall directly above my desk. I may not know what the future holds. I'm not sure about anything in my life right now, let alone in the future. At least now, when I'm feeling lost, I can look at my dragonfly to remind me, that someone, somewhere is looking out for me.

I give up!

So okay, the past few months have been fairly hellacious. Most of it has been beyond my control. I've gone with the flow. I've looked for the silver lining in the most difficult times. I've even accepted, grudgingly, that I'm working on developing patience and trust, neither being strong suits of mine. I haven't questioned (much) the Divine plan.

But come on already! (Yeah, I'm throwing the whole patience and not questioning thing right out the window for the moment) I'm starting to feel kind of like my friend Coyote. I just found out I didn't get the job I wanted. I'm not being considered again for another. Most of my life, especially some of my relationships, is a wreck. And I'm sick! I mean really?! Can't the Universe find someone else to pick on for a bit? Or if there is some lesson in all this...just tell me! Enough with being coy, you know it doesn't work with me.

Okay, so I am venting. I am grateful for a couple of crucial friendships. And for the few hours of work I do have. They are some of the few things sustaining me at the moment. I know things could be much worse (Don't even THINK about it...I've got enough to deal with already, thank you very much). I just want to be able to get on with my life. So, if there is anything else, can we just get it out of the way already? Please? (Yes, I know I'm asking for it, but maybe the shock will throw the Divine off guard? Okay, probably not. But dragging things out is going to make me really crazy, so what the hell~)

Dandelions

I realized today it has been awhile since I've blogged. Some of it is that not much has changed. Despite being fairly busy, I really haven't gotten anywhere. Apparently, I'm working on patience...not one of my better virtues. So in the meantime, I'm doing what I can, around very nasty headaches and waiting for what comes next, whatever that is.

One bright spot, strangely out of place and time is the dandelion growing on our side lawn. I noticed it yesterday, Halloween, while I was walking one of the dogs. A single, bright yellow dandelion growing happily in late October. Odd, yes?

I'm choosing to take it as a positive sign. In the language of flowers, these happy, little "weeds" stand for happiness, love and faithfulness. Not a bad omen. Personally, dandelions have always been one of my favorite flowers. (Yes, further proof of how truly touched I am, I know.) They are bright and soft and can grow in the most difficult of circumstances. Is it really any wonder I loved them as a child? Plus, when they transformed to seed, they became my first magic wands. I learned to make a wish by blowing upon dandelion seeds long before I learned to make a wish with daisies.

So maybe instead of working on patience (cause really, we are talking about me here) I will focus on the enduring, gently toughness and faithfulness of the dandelion. I like that much more.