Sanctuary 2

So it has been another long and difficult week. I'm frustrated by almost everyone and everything. Never a good thing, made worse by the ongoing lack of enough sleep. Add in yesterday's snow and it is nothing short of a miracle that I'm still in New England at all right now.

Everything in me keeps wanting to just walk away from all of it. I very well may end up doing that at some point. I'm at least letting myself be open to the possibility that it is time to try somewhere else for awhile at least. I have a few obligations to see out...plus needing to find full-time employment. I'll have to wait and see how it goes.

In the meantime, I'm planning another escape to the beach tomorrow. Warm, sunny weekday...few people as yet. Just me, the sand and waves and my gulls (Hush, I don't want to hear it). At least for a few hours, I'll have some peace of mind and spirit...maybe.

Sanctuary

I've written how things have not been going all that well. I've been hoping being patient and waiting this spell out would be enough. Maybe it still is...I just don't have any faith in that at this point. I think there may be some other stuff going on, decisions that need to be made that I haven't been willing to acknowledge.

I still have no solid idea about what to do about anything at this point. I'm trying to at least be open that maybe things have to be a lot different than I had thought.

There are only two things I know for sure at this point...things cannot continue this way, for my own mental health, if for no other reason than that, and that I need the sanctuary of my ocean (yes, it's mine...get over it). So tomorrow, I'm journeying to my beach, where I can sit and listen to the waves. Maybe they'll have something to say on the whole matter.

Welcome

In all the confusion in my brain, I forgot. Welcome Torence Michelle Crease! Tori was born Friday, April 16th. She is just perfect!

ACKKKKK! Mercury is Retrograde!

So here I am, on a Monday night, happily working on a very witty blog entry. You'll have to take my word for it. Sadly, while adding a bit here and there, my computers decided to change into overwrite mode all by itself. Needless to say, large portions of my draft were eaten.

I would say the whole day has been like this...but it goes beyond that. Life in general has been one step forward and two off into some other dimensional direction not known to this reality. I really do not know if I am coming or going, let alone where I am supposed to be. I'm trying to be patient, I'm even praying for patience (and yes, this is a sign of an upcoming Apocalypse). I'm even praying for fortitude...just let me get through THIS too.

Of course at the same time, I'm swearing at myself for not saving it as a draft sooner and at the computer for it's possessed nature (yes, I know, what should I expect?) and for my somewhat damaged "k" and "," keys (that one is Echo's fault...don't ask...just never let a Pitbull run across your keyboard). I'm so frustrated with everything I could just scream (even chocolate and coffee aren't helping). I know if won't help. So instead, I will continue to go for runs (however short) and go back to seeing Betsy and all the other things I need to do. And I will continue to pray for patience and fortitude...and that Mercury doesn't stay retrograde for long.

One of those days...

It's been one of those days. I'd say it was a typical Monday except I've been having a lot of these days lately. It isn't that things are really bad, they're just not good either.

I'm frustrated more than anything. I've made efforts to move things along, cause this isn't where I want my life to be at this point. It's just nothing seems to have come to sprout yet. (Can you tell I'm planning the house garden?) And I can't seem to get out of my own way lately. Add to that I'm having to let go of yet more things that have given my life predictability the past few years, and I'm getting bored. It feels like a mess.

I know I have to keep at it and continue to be patient (come on already, this is as good as I'm likely to get at it), have faith (yes Dad, got the message) and not do anything stupid in the meantime. I guess I'm tired of feeling so lousy about all of it. Sort of like my poor, pathetic puppy (see picture above) when she waiting the go ahead to eat her dinner. Jet is about as patient as I am...

Emergence

Greetings everyone. Sorry I've been away so long...winter and work and life have kept me too tired to write. Now it is spring...finally...and I feel like I'm finally emerging from a long and cold spell. Appropriate since today is Easter.

I thought about writing a lot the past month or so. A crazy work schedule ( I know, I know, I'm trying to resolve that one) and crazy mood swings left me empty of anything to actually write. Basically, I went through one of my periodic dark periods (no worries, it could have been much worse). And now I'm focusing on climbing out of it again, on getting things in my life moving again.

I realized I was in that barren place longer than I thought. It seems I've been stuck since last spring. Or maybe not stuck, but at a standstill. Some of it of my own making, some of it waiting on the will of Heaven, so to speak. I'm still trying to unravel all of it. Right now the focus is on not getting to that really crazy place I've been before. Or rather, to get to a healthy place, body, mind and soul. There is more to it than that. Like I said, I'm still trying to figure it all out. One of the ways is to start writing again. So here at least is a start.